RT @jewishcomedians: "He who hesitates is poor." ~Mel Brooks Jewish Comedy quotes

To close the gap with young voters Romney chooses Apple's app Siri as his running mate for vice president, even though it's calender only allows him to schedule vacation and retirement for every date past November 2011...

Join the email list! www.alfredward.blogspot.com

Join the email list! www.alfredward.blogspot.com

If I had a fan club I'd wear disguises and go to the meetings... and bad mouth myself until I led of group of them into creating a "We Hate Alfred Club" and then reveal my true identity on our one year anniversary... such fun!

When people ask me how do you do what you do I answer its something you live not just something you do. Acting, comedy, writing, poetry, rap, the list goes on

Join the email list! www.alfredward.blogspot.com

Join the email list! www.alfredward.blogspot.com

Starting my email blast up which will replace my constant social networking efforts. Only 500 people allowed for now so inbox me your email address so I can send you an invite!

chicken and waffles or crawfish? hmmmm

I think I'm going to stock up on star trek next generation clothing and just wear that for the next ten years... from sleepwear, formal, to the bridge... they had it all!

At the job I like to imagine all the women are just waiting for me to get out of training so I can be assigned to their team... of course I'm going to introduce them to my Polynesian mail order bride fay-fay... as soon as i can find my fedex tracking number

<.:.:.:.:.:.>

I'm looking for women to take part in my TV pilot "First Dates with Alfred @ Denny's"

Sobriety always tries to lead me to believe I could possibly be doing something other than what I'm doing right now... That just ain't right I tell ya! Bad Bad sobriety down boy!

Hey americans new to foodstamps if you find them so insulting why dont you stop overburdening the system that helps people who appreciate it

Hitting up the Stardome Comedy Club in B'Ham about the open mic... put me on the list suckaz! Ima rock dat joint!

Am I the only one who farts in elevators full of people just when I'm stepping off and turns around to see the look on their faces as the door closes...

RT @garyowencomedy: I know there's piñatas of @FloydMayweather all over Mexico & Puerto Rico. That's the only way to beat him.

RT @jewishcomedians: "When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her tolook me in the face. That's the price she has to pay." ~Groucho Marx Quotes

Sobriety is scary...

RT @huffingtonpost: WATCH: Kanye's 'Lost in the World' video finally arrived http://t.co/cOLuczmX

Don't forget the supermoon!

Don't forget the supermoon!

Never let ignorance be a reason not to try... Just look at politics, ignorance succeeds a little everyday! Live your dreams!

Since I can't find anyone to play spades or shoot pool who's up for an UNO & LEGO PARTY! ... No One? Screw you guys, I'm going home...

Your word is your bond. Like your balls you break it for no one! My words are more like LEGO blocks. With action figures, shapes and colors!

Girl we can chill at home to floetry as long as we ride out to UGK!

This chick once told me I wasn't thuggish and rough enough for her so I punched her in the gut.... It worked... I was confused...

This chick once told me I wasn't black enough for her, I told her to go look in the mirror and figure out a reason why I should give a damn.

When she said man up I turned off my cartoons and turned on scifi but only util adult swim came on... that's all you're getting!

Instead of continuing the war we should just give everyone in Afghanistan iphones & androids... soon after they'll stop thinking for themselves.......... Look at us! Fight smart not hard!